Fighting Contention with Positivity


(photo credit)

Contention is like fire. It starts small. A bunch of small fires, or arguments, will burn into each other and grow into a huge fire. Fires destroy homes. So does contention. Fires can kill. Contention kills relationships.

Contention is a tricky subject that can be divided and sub divided and then categorised into a hundred different sub categories with a million opinions on every line.

My only purpose is to share what happened one night between my husband and I. We started arguing about something very small. We both had our opinions and were not standing down! It escalated. And the whole time I was getting more angry because I knew how stupid the whole thing was and I was angry that I had gotten so angry! I wanted the tension to simmer down but how? How do we invite positivity into such a heated furnace of contention? As my husband and I finally sat in awkward silence fed up, a thought popped into my head:

“See this as an opportunity to learn and apply the principle of forgiveness.”

Oh good! A fight! Now I can learn about forgiving others! (I can actually see eyes rolling.) However, it’s true. Forgiving feels good and the heavy burden of tension almost immediately gets lifted. It doesn’t matter who was right about the initial argument itself. We were both wrong in being so contentious and allowing it to get out of hand.

So I can be sorry for the unintended hurt that was caused by my words without being the weak link. I can forgive even if the other person isn’t sorry. (Although I am blessed with a husband who is quick to apologise and quick to forgive.) I can go to sleep with more peace choosing forgiveness and being sorry than “winning” the argument at hand. And often these arguments where neither of us are willing to stand down, we do agree to just drop it and that works. Forfeit the argument and walk away with good feelings.

How we live is our choice.

Our attitude is our choice.

We can’t stop things from happening to us but we do choose how we react to it all.

Be positive every time. x


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