It’s been quiet around here for a while, but for good reason. I had nothing much to say! Sometimes life in general feels heavy and I hide in my cave until I feel ready to come out. Today, was a good day. One I am willing to remember. It wasn’t spectacular or overly significant. Just a day that represents life as a housewife pretty normal. Well, as normal as it gets for me.
I got woken up at exactly 5:14am. I always check the time so I know how tired I should feel. Axel was the first to wake. He got his milk and we had cuddles on the couch as we always do. He wasn’t falling back asleep so I put on Baby Beethoven and closed my eyes with him snug in my arms. An hour later, Ethan woke up and squeezed his way unto my lap too. Now I had to wake up. Now the non-stop test of patience begins. Now the demands will start rolling. However, today I was more prepared because last night the husband and I talked, read, prayed and recognised we simply need to do everything with love. Everything. Luckily he was in a good mood so our morning was pleasant. The best part was building a tower out of his legos. He gets so excited. Later he proudly showed daddy and I was glad I had been a part of it.
By 9am we were all dressed, breakfast eaten and laundry hung outside, so we went out for a walk. It’s easier to leave the house when you like your outfit and know you’ve done your hair. I straightened mine today. The sun was beaming and it’s warmth felt so good. We headed to the playground around the corner. We were the only ones there but Ethan did not like that it was all wet from yesterday’s rain. Oh, last night was weird and lovely. The sky was weird with a blend of bright blue sky, brilliant white clouds coupled with dark grey clouds, a rainbow, hail, and then some light rain. Rain gentle enough for me and Ethan to sit on the floor with the back door slightly open so we could stick our arms out and feel the rain drops on the palms of our hands. He kept saying, “rain, I feel it!”
Ethan did not mind walking all the way back home to get some towels to clean the slide. He talked about it the whole way and behaved very well. Back at the playground there was a family of 3 girls playing but no one going down the slides. I could have been a hero with my towels but instead I heard one of the girls whisper to her dad, “it’s still wet.” My first thought? Brat! So I missed a spot, sit on it! Ethan tried to make friends with them. He always tries to make friends with kids at the playground. But his pick up line was “spiderwebs!” as he pointed out a big one and those girls just did not seem interested. Not wanting his excited spirit crushed, I tried to be extra enthusiastic whenever he showed it to me.
In the far distance I saw dark clouds sneaking in and I immediately worried about my laundry. I am always the last of my neighbours to notice the rain and my laundry is wetter coming in than it was when it went out! But today I had eagle eyes and would not let it repeat! We went home, I began to unpeg my laundry but felt it was too early. The sun was still shining. I will just pay attention and be quick.
Axel had fallen asleep for his late morning nap and Ethan entertained himself on my iPhone. I thought about my career. Or lack of. My unused degrees packed in a box. I have always wanted to do something with writing. I love words. But to say I want to be writer, is it cocky? Like I think I have important things to say and people should actually read them? I have always believed that to write and be read is the same as being listened to and heard. Whether my voice is heard through someone’s ear or their mind, I want my words to touch their heart. Being heard makes a person feel alive. One’s existence acknowledged makes a world of difference to their world. No one has ever stopped me from being a writer, no one but myself. I have insecurities and weaknesses as a writer. Sometimes I want to be perfect, but then I think, perfection would not be genuine because perfection is impossible. And who is to define what is perfect? If someone were labelled as a good writer, that label is just an opinion. And it is those opinions I fear. I shouldn’t, but I do.
Second load of laundry done! Wow, I felt so accomplished and it wasn’t even noon yet! I hurried to get the laundry hung, don’t waste the sunshine! I ran out of pegs. I love pegs. I have a lot of pegs. I happily went back inside to the hallway closet and got my peg holder. A uniquely made bag specifically for pegs! The first time I saw one, was the day I bought this one. I was about 6 months pregnant with Axel. It was only 50p at a charity shop in South Ockendon. I originally had gone to South Ockendon to get passport photos done for Ethan and I. Turns out the ones I had taken that day were all wrong and it would have felt like a wasted two-bus-trip had it not been for this lovely, beautiful and practical peg holder! What a find! It makes me happy!
I still had some time so I went online looking for date ideas. This Friday, the husband and I have a date. We are very excited because my sister has the whole day off and we can do whatever we want! So many choices, how will we choose? In the ten minutes I was online I found three possibilities for a trip into London: the London Philharmonic Orchestra or We Will Rock You plus dinner package or Wicked plus dinner package. I emailed the links to the hubs. At the time I thought the decision would be weighed upon mainly by which restaurant had the best menu for dinner. However, later the hubs and I spoke and we decided London is too far. Why waste all that precious time together on public trains surrounded by people? We just want to be alone. It’s so RARE!
Ethan returned my phone and decided to draw in his dinosaur book. It’s the kind where he can erase the marker and start over. Instead of the book, he drew all over the plastic high chair! He gave me a look as if to say, “that’s right. I did that. Now what you going to do?” A minute later he cried for his Easter basket candy! As if!
The rest of the afternoon happened so fast its a blur. I got to be honest with you diary, my memory is slowly packing its bags and leaving me. We went to Tesco. Axel fell asleep in the pram, that’s how exciting he thought grocery shopping was! Walked past a navy blue skirt that looked flirty and fun. It was soft. Then Costco. Saw some little girl dresses I thought I could copy. Teeshirt on top, a tulle skirt on bottom. Looks easy. Shaun was disappointed that both stores had no pink grapefruit. Only red. Something must be happening with the crops. Had a quick dinner. I did some housework while Shaun played with the kids- I love hearing them laugh and play together!
The navy blue skirt popped into my head again and again and again. Must be a sign I want it? Must have it? Outfits started forming in my head. But the skirt was navy blue. I don’t tend to wear that colour. Do I have anything to match? It’s all looking good in my head but might look stupid in real life. In my head, I’m slim. In real life, that’s a joke.
Now with all this written down, I hope to spend the rest of the evening with the husband, no wait. It’s 9:15. I got to go to bed. I never know what kind of night it is going to be and I need to get my sleep when I can! Thanks for listening, until next time, xox