In my younger years I read a book that said women have a tendency of trying to change men. In turn, men will say that they do not want to be changed. Many women failed in their quest.
As I pondered on this idea by the author, I came to the conclusion that perhaps women want to feel we have the ability to change a man for the better. Maybe she wanted to help him quit smoking, or convince him into religion, or making him realise he wants kids. Whatever it is, she wants to hear him say the words, “you changed my life”. I had put the thought aside until recently.
When love naturally develops in a relationship, change in both person’s lives is inevitable. Later, through marriage and children, of course he will say to her, “you changed my life!” Because of her, he changed into a husband and father. With that comes all sorts of change! Many for the better! All she has to do is be a part of his life and it will change!
When I married my husband, I was two weeks shy of turning 27. When my mother was that age she already had four children! My eyes have been opened and there are many things I have learned. Most importantly: I cannot change my husband. He makes the changes on his own but I am there to support and encourage him.
In our marriage, we try to put aside specific times where we sit down and discuss our marriage and family life. We call it Family Counsel. These have proven useful as we go over the calendar schedule, discuss concerns about the children, and if there is a need for some sort of change. A change in our schedule, or routine, or each other. As a couple, we like to set aside each Friday night as date night. If you are thinking ‘isn’t that every night?’ I understand, I used to think like that too. Date night is special. When schedules are busy or monotonous, setting aside a specific time to talk about life is a good idea.
The author of that book suggests that women have a need to change men. What he did NOT mention was that women do change men naturally, as their companion, their spouse, their partner in life. And vice versa. Not through dictating instructions or constantly pointing out faults, but simply through love and encouragement and talking sincerely with one another.
I admit, I have heard the words told to me, “you have changed my life” from my husband on many occasions. He has changed my life too. Simply by being a part of it.
So how do you change a man? You don’t. He changes on his own. All you have to do is be a part of his life. xx