My mom said that when I was about five years old I was very serious about love. She had walked into the kitchen one day to find me sitting at the table pondering intensely about something. She said my face was so funny she just had to ask what was on my mind. To which I replied, “I wonder who my husband is going to be.”
I know I have shared this story before because it is very true to who I have always been. Who was that man whom I would spend the rest of my life with and have kids with? Because it would be for forever, so it was a very serious decision. We believe that God has a way for families to be together forever.
A long time later in my teens, this goal of husband and marriage and love was overshadowed by simpler things like having a date that weekend, what boy in class was cute, and the eternities just was not a hot topic. Until.
One day, a thought just came to mind. Maybe it was a lesson at church on motherhood. Who knows. I remember talking to a friend of mine about dating and I had said to her, “My kids are in heaven watching me. I don’t want to date the wrong guy. Maybe they are up there saying ‘No mom! Not him! That’s not dad!’ I was not only looking for a husband for myself, but a father for my kids.
Believing in God does not shelter anyone from the woes of this world. I have had a lot of heartaches and headaches. Such is life, we live and learn.
As an LDS, we believe we are children of a loving Heavenly Father. Every night we sing the song “I am a Child of God” with Ethan.
Tonight, I felt Gods love in my home as I held His precious baby son.
In my hallway there is a full size mirror. I like to stand in front of it while holding my kids and watch their eyes get heavier and heavier until they are asleep. Tonight as I did so, his adorable face just overwhelmed me. I felt consumed with love for this baby. For both of my boys. And I thought, I LOVE holding my babies. I thank God for them.
I am the kind of mom that cries easily. So as I was holding Axel I sniffed, which made him jump and me giggle of the cuteness of his facial expression. Again his eyes closed and as I was trying to lay him down his arm wrapped around mine and his hand gripped me as if to say, ‘Not yet mom. Hold me a little longer.’ I rocked him in my arms a few minutes more.
I have only been a mom for a little over two years. It has been the hardest thing I have ever experienced. It has also been one of the most wonderful things to have ever happened to me. I am a mommy. And I love it. Is there anything more beautiful on this earth than for two people to love each other so much they create life together?
One day after church my husband and I were talking in the car on our way home about our little family. We both agreed, it feels like it was always this way. Us four. We were just apart for a little while so Shaun and I could grow up and get married, but now we are together again. Reunited. We belong together.
I can never tire of looking at these gorgeous faces, and I will forever thank God for helping me find the right husband and blessing me with these boys of mine. Our family is forever. x