It has been fourteen days since my husband was admitted into hospital. He has undergone numerous tests. When the doctors ruled out the worst, I felt a bit better. But missing him has not stopped. He still isn’t home.
I have learned a bit more about my relationship with patience during the last two weeks: I really don’t have much of it. However, I am realising that if I have more love and peace and faith within myself, I can have more patience with the challenges I face. Sometimes those challenges very much include my crying children. I need to remember they are having a hard time too.
I am seeing life has different dimensions. Like circles within circles.
Gaddafi is in the news. Ethan needs a nappy change. Presidential campaigns crash. I rub some baby Bonjela on Axel’s gums. Scientists are researching cures for all kinds of diseases. I throw in a load of laundry. My husband sits in a hospital bed with an IV receiving Immunoglobin into his system. I write out a grocery list and plan next week’s meals. Businesses suffer from the London rioting. I pop in the ‘Finding Nemo’ dvd for Ethan to watch. The weatherman forecasts rain. I read my emails.
Inbetween the lines are my thoughts, my worries, my backup plan of a,b, c. What are we going to do now?
Inbetween those thoughts are the moments I have with my kids where I am comforting their cries, “its ok to cry, I know you need a cuddle. Life is hard huh?” Protecting them from themselves, “not a good idea to stand on that chair Ethan!” “Don’t sit on the baby!” Praising them for accomplishments, “well done! Good boy!” And tending to their needs, “bathtime!” All day long I think about my husband and our future. I love that man so much. I hope he comes home soon.
No matter the challenges and obstacles we feel we face, life goes on. No matter how we feel from moment to moment, life goes on. Nothing stops. So neither will I. Just need to keep moving forward….they need me to….