The Competition Between Husband and Wife

(tired) I’ve been working all day.

(rolling eyes) If you were single and on your own, you’d still be working all day.

(annoyed) I’m tired.

(giving the “I dare you to take this further” look) I’m exhausted.

(glaring) I work long days.

(glaring back with a raised eyebrow) My days have no end or beginning.

(defensive) I don’t get much sleep around here and still have to work all day. No breaks.

(sarcastic) Sleep? What’s that?…. (whispering loudly) I’m lucky to get 2 straight hours of sleep!

(explaining tone) My work is physical and my body feels destroyed. I’m in a lot of pain.

(matter of fact tone) Try a round of pregnancy, a day in labour and at least 6 months of breastfeeding, times TWO! My body feels beyond repair! Pain is my constant companion.

(despairingly) Everything went wrong at work today! It’s so stressful.

(in a zone tone) I don’t remember when I last peed, I should go now that you’re home…..I’ve hardly had a chance to eat, I’m hungry. There’s been spills, poop dramas, tantrums and timeouts, all of us crying for different reasons, and everyone goes to mom for comfort or to complain. What about me?

(sighing, defeated) Sounds like we need a big family hug….. By the way, what’s for dinner?

(exasperated) Oh the added guilt of the less-than-perfect housewife, I have no dinner prepared! You want dinner? Me too! And a shower please.

Then there is silence. The kind of quiet that couples understand after being together for a very long time. It’s not awkward, it’s not tense, it is just there. The argument isn’t really an argument, just how-was-your-day chatter. We then look at each other with tired half smiles and eyes that say ‘I love you’.

Ok, I’ll order a pizza.

And pepsi please. Thank you babe….. Hey, who won tonight’s competition?

You sweetheart, always you.

(smiling) I love you!

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