I cannot help but compare myself to other women constantly. She’s prettier, she’s more capable, she’s more talented, she seems to have more time, more freedom, more fun, and the list goes on and on. Then I remind myself with a little pep talk. “Nancy, you are pregnant. You have an Ethan. You’re tired. It’s ok. One day.”
One day my kids will be all grown up and going to school and I will have HOURS to myself. I will be able to use the ladies room without disruption. I will be able to do dishes without constantly looking over my shoulder. I’ll be able to bend over without a big bump in the way. I might even have energy to tackle a project or two (I have a list of like 50 things I want to do!) I am ambitious by nature and it is a challenge to put things on hold while I prioritise being a mom first but I know these are the years my kids need me to sacrifice myself.
This morning I had a sweet experience. Again, I was tired! Sleepless nights with pregnancy and early mornings with Ethan leaves me grumpy until nap time, but today was playgroup. I had a choice: crawl back into bed and say “next time” or just go. We went. Ethan was so excited! I watched him as he happily walked down the stairs holding my hand like a big boy instead of crawling down. I watched him climb into his pram, he knew we were going somewhere fun. He exclaimed “bus!” when the bus pulled up and we got on. And at the playgroup he had the biggest smile on his face. He had so much fun! I sat on the couch watching my little boy and felt that satisfying feeling of “that was worth it”. The effort was worth it as I sat there watching him have the best time. His smile today brought tears to my eyes. I love my little boy so much.
Tonight I had hoped once again to tackle a simple project. I’m way too tired. One day, I’ll get to it. And lately, it doesn’t seem to bother me as much anymore.
It’s not easy. Flip, us moms know it is NOT easy! But how wonderful to feel that it truly is worth it.