I want to say something but when the words don’t come and outside the rain hits my windows and pictures on my camera roll leave me coveting and I want to be alone but can’t because I’m a mom, not even to use to the restroom can I be alone, and I look at the grey clouds but I really don’t see clouds, just a grey thing hovering over the world and I am reminded when I was a kid looking at a similar sky feeling like I was trapped just wanting to see some blue so I can be free again and because I was in a moving car when I saw that sky and felt that feeling, I start wanting to travel again and silently wish in my heart for a phonecall that I know won’t happen but still hoping for a familiar voice to say, pack your bag we are going away a few days, your mom is babysitting, and suddenly I will look in the mirror and think about how I look and if I should change my outfit, like getting ready for a date and my thoughts run making a list of everything I might possibly need for this last minute trip and as I pack I will daydream of a sunny day and we are driving down a romantic road lined with trees and the husband holds my hand and I’m smiling so happy like that one time we really did go for a drive in the country because we just wanted to be lost together and then the toddler interrupts my imaginary escape and tears well up with disappointment that it was just a daydream and not true at all and the phonecall never happened and my wish disappears as reality sinks in and I am still here and not anywhere and the afternoon is turning into evening and dinner needs getting started and the toddler is whining for attention but I just feel like doing nothing.
Our fun day in Camden
Years ago, I sat my younger brother down next to me on the sofa.
“I need you to listen to what I have to say, ” I began. He nodded with an expression of knowing this was serious. “I never want to hear you say the F-word.” I paused. I had never heard him say a bad word of any kind, but I knew he was in his teens and I simply wanted to clarify.
“I believe that the words we speak represent the person we are and that our words reveal our character. And I don’t want you to use the same language as rapists do. When he is in the act of his crime, what word or language do you think he uses? You think he says “intercourse?” I want you to be nothing like those horrible people.” My brother looked pretty shocked and perhaps my statement was quite harsh and thick, but this is my opinion.
After thinking a moment, he then replied, “Just because I say a bad word or even if I have the same teeshirt, it doesn’t mean I am like that.” Slowly I said, “Again, the words we use reveal our insides. Someone who is angry and saying the F-word doesn’t sound pleasant. And to use it casually doesn’t make much sense. Do bear in mind of those around you as well. Words can trigger horrible memories and you won’t know the emotional damage it causes her -or him- when reminded. Do you not agree it is better to simply be a pleasant person and use good language then?” He nodded. None of us are strangers to tragic events in our lives.
Years have gone, and he is no longer a teenager. I have never heard him say the F-word. I do not ask if he ever uses it, but I am glad he respects me enough to not use it around me.
I love you Ben.
“One woman who had been through years of trial and sorrow said through her tears, “I have come to realize that I am like an old 20-dollar bill- crumpled, torn, dirty, abused and scarred. But I am still a 20-dollar bill. I am worth something. Even though I may not look like much and even though I have been battered and used, I am still worth the full 20 dollars.”
-President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, General Conference April 4, 2010
(photo found here)
I’d like to do a new series called “How We Met” where couples share their love stories. Don’t you love listening to how other couples met? How the fates crossed two people’s paths and cupid on standby ready with his arrow? I love gushing with other couples.
Here is Emma and Mike’s love story:
“Oh I just love my story it has so many twists and turns. Mike and I have known of each other for years. Back when I was a teen his sister and I were great friends, still are to this day. When I was younger I saw Mike as a shy and quite dorky guy, never really caught me eye. As we got older as paths seperated for a bit or so I thought. I started seeing someone in Akron who just so happened to be next door neighbors with an old HighSchool buddy. I didn’t know this before , but Mike had married my close friend from grade school. She and I had lost touch after graduation and I had lost touch with Mike’s sister after we graduated as well. So there I was dating Mike’s neighbor while he was married.
Life continued to throw Mike and I curve balls and soon we met again. I was returning to church after leaving for quite a few years. I saw a familiar face , actually two. Mike was at institute and so was his now ex-wife. I was shocked to hear they were no more but I can now say I was happy for myself. Mike was no longer that dork I knew a decade ago, life had changed him and had changed me. We began dating after a short period if just getting to know each other AGAIN. I moved away with my mother and the day I left, he said “hey I love you, and I blurted , I love ya too” and off I went, 4 months later I return to my hometown and we were married. It’s funny because our first day he proclaimed I will never be married again. HA! We had alot to overcome, his terminal illness, the challange of not being able to start a family without help and many more but we overcame that! We are happy with twins and are loving our life. We may not know when we will have to say goodbye , but Our love is eternal like our marriage and that gives me the happy ending I’ve always wanted “
Love that last sentence! Congrats you guys!
If real love stories never end, then I’d say our children are not only the product of our love, but also the continuation of our love. Our children will always bind us in some intimate way, a feeling that can only be shared by that person you had your children with. A love for that child that measures none else. A reminder of the beginning from where love began.
(photo found here)