My Ability to Fulfill the Circle of Life

When my husband and I first married we had decided that we wanted children right away. For lots of reasons. Month after month came and went and each pregnancy test I took came out negative. It was quite discouraging. I knew my mother had gotten pregnant straight away when she married and I thought I’d be like her. I remember one time in particular.

Several months into our marriage I felt changes within me and thought it might have been pregnancy symptoms. I was getting excited and took a test. Negative. After showing my husband I went back into the bathroom, closed the door, sat on the floor and cried. As a woman, I wanted to feel like a woman. To feel it more fully, I wanted to have a baby and fulfill the circle of life, by creating a life of my own. Tears of inadequacy wet my face as my heart broke each time I thought I wasn’t a true woman. Of course that’s not true. It’s just how I felt. I thought of the women who couldn’t have children and started sympathising with how they might be feeling.

We had been married over a year when I woke up one morning very sick. Shaun got yelled at for cooking grilled chicken and later scrambled eggs.  And I only got worse before it got better for about four months. How is it something I wanted so badly made me so miserable? Wasn’t I supposed to be happy? I felt better, almost normal, when I hit about 6 months. By then, being pregnant made me feel womanly and sexy!

I was back to misery when I hit 7 months- I was huge and uncomfortable! Oh the joy (and relief!) when Ethan finally came! He was so beautiful!

It’s amazing to go through all the emotional highs and lows of trying to concieve, the highs and lows of pregnancy, the incredible experience of birthing a child, and to think, WE ARE GOING TO EXPERIENCE ALL OF IT AGAIN!

Yep, Ethan is going to be a big brother next summer! We are so excited! With a face like this, wouldn’t you want another? 🙂 x



3 thoughts on “My Ability to Fulfill the Circle of Life

  1. Congratulations Nancy and Shaun! I am so happy for you. I so remember those feelings of wanting to have a baby right from the beginning. We had some set backs, I got pregnant only 4 months after we were married, but then lost the baby a few short weeks later. Then we welcomed Baby #1 into the world (on your birthday none the less) A year and a half after our wedding. That was almost 10 years ago. My baby will be one next week. It goes by so fast enjoy every minute of it!

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